This is the last of this blog. Will delete when I can figure out how.

Well, I couldn't figure out how - not that I've been trying for 6 months - not that dumb. So I guess I may write from time to time but as I now have no followers it might be a good thing. I can write whatever I want.

Sam has lost his wallet.

Holly has to take an extra class to graduate...more $$$$$$

I am going to sew today.

That's it.

blah

Today could be interesting - still coming down off a blood pressure med I tried for the last week. Feeling somewhat spacey and the jumpy kind of feelings I used to get when tapering off an anti depressant. I wonder if they affect the brain in similar ways. Hmmmm Slept 10 hours last night which should help. Still feeling down and not really present yet. "Patience my dear." Next time someone mentions trying a new med I will firmly and maybe even impolitely decline. I just lost 10 days of my life to exhaustion and depression again. Let's all hope and pray it was the med and not me slipping and sliding away all by myself. Sing Noel is being resurrected once again. See what happens to that and I hope it's not embarassing. Much as I love to sing and perform I don't like to feel like a fool. I guess I can see that I'm not very positive this morning - shit!

Meanderings

Well, something is up because I just washed the kitchen floor - and we all know how often that happens. Sometimes I wish I could just get out of myself and see what's happening with more clarity. I am missing things that I think I should be on top of. That there are people I should be helping and I don't even see them or what they need. Being all wound up inside my own head is such a dead end.

So - who are you? The one on top peering down or the one in the sand?

Going for my daily constitutional in a few minutes and then on into the rest of the day.

Tonnettes and Onions

Here are some tough ladies workin' it out in rehearsal. We had so much fun I think it was a sin.
Bel Cantos not Quitting that should be the headline - there's a big job out there to be done to give kids a chance at what we had with music. It's just not available any more in the public schools in Seattle. For Shame!!! We're meeting in December to crank up the machine so watch out everyone. Change is coming.

On a domestic note, this morning I have peeled, chopped,frozen and dried a huge basketful of onions from the garden.Must have been 500 pounds at least. What a lot of fumes - house still reeks. I turned an industrial fan on myself and just blew everything to Kingdom Come in the kitchen but the job is done! (Cough, cough) Didn't even shed a tear.

Piano lessons this afternoon and then on into the weekend with a visit to Holly in the morning and then sewing with Robin and Marilyn in the afternoon/evening. We were supposed to be at the cabin this weekend but not going to happen, bummer.

Fumes.............................

Me Life

Happy piano student eating donut.

Last night is the first night in a week that I have slept more than 5 hours. 9 pm - 6am feels really good! Maybe the creative juices will flow today.

Ed's low on work and so here we go into the winter months. Painters can have it rough when the weather changes. Maybe we should move to Palm Springs? I thought it was hard this past 9 months but what do I know. I did balance my checkbook today and I have $100.00! Good thing that I have lots of practice making something out of nothing. God continues to provide even when I am scared shitless.

I'm getting excited about ArtBurn in February. I can't wait. I wonder what I want to do there? I also want to make some art pieces for everyone who is going or trades or something. Hmmmmmm. This could be really fun. I have the thought that I want to make a demented toy out of the kid mannequin that I have. Must go to Value Village with that in mind to get additional pieces to cannibalize.

Meeting a couple of friends for dinner to plan this weekends outing to the cabin. We will have fun and craftiness too.

Got to deal with a cranky car today - someone dumped a whole buttload of crickets under the hood!

Calling my my shrink too. I'm doing well but have a thorny issue to deal with that I need some help on. I've done all that I know how to do but it keeps coming up and needs more resolution so I can relax. Old fear that needs to be put to rest. Interested? No, I am not going to talk about it here - some things are private - at least until they are not. I am still growing and learning about my mind. Thank God for no more anti-depressants!!!!! I would rather have electroshock, so if I ever go crazy just lock me up a give me the juice.
On into the day - feeding feral cats and then to hit the phones and get my business done. I love you all.

Here are the 2009 ladies out in front of my house! These gals are really tough this year and they glow in the dark; they don't mess around. The one on the far right needs a mask but Nick is wearing it for Halloween so she'll have to wait. She's got a toupe' so who cares? (Maybe it's a muff.)

Had a great piano class today for my students too. told ghost stories and I composed music to go with each character. The kids played the themes whenever their character appeared in the story. Then they ate donuts on strings - lots of laughs!

Now it's the week after the concert and what a struggle. I am so filled with emotion sometimes - sadness mostly. Missing everyone and the closeness of those three days. Very tired too. By next week I should be back to my old self whatever that is.

Sitting at home alone drinking wine. Practicing the piano with wine is a good experience. Mistakes don't seem so bad and everything goes more smoothly. Ahhhhh

Ed's gone for the rest of the weekend - up at the cabin de-mossing the roof alone. Why?

I have church in the morning and then piano class in the afternoon. This wine is making me miss people.

Found out Ed doesn't have any work - I am panicked because no $. Every year it is the same but this year it's arriving early. I wonder if I can do any better supporting myself. I guess we'll see...

Well, we made it into performance. What an emotional experience for singers and audience alike. Music just ties everyone together like nothing else can and erases all kinds of barriers.
Truly a magical experience and one that I will cherish.

Bel Cantos

Here is the world famous choir practicing for their concert that's coming up this weekend. It has been so much fun! A little added weight and bald spots make for a good sound. It's called maturity.

This is little Kiri - soooooo cute. She was wearing her cashmere outfit but it was a little bit too hot and made her fussy.

Seaside, Oregon

I was at the beach in Seaside, Oregon for a couple of days - weather was gorgeous and warm!
We did everything - beach walking, eating out and in, cooking, crafting, shopping (as usual) so today I was very tired and really just poked around the house not doing much.
Just finished grocery shopping for the week ahead and will soon go to bed with a good book. Holly is coming home tomorrow night! Sam & Aaron are coming for dinner too. It will be great to have more people in the house again - even if it's just for 24 hours. I have a feeling that this is going to be a very full weekend coming up. So, it's on to bed at 8:30!!!

Life Update

I had some interesting thoughts today on my morning 2 mile walk around the loop.(This is an interesting font) I really want to walk this loop 5 days a week - like M-F. I feel great after I complete it but some days I cannot get out the door. It feels like a different, more reptilian part of my brain is in charge when I don't exercise/eat right....etc, you get the idea. I'd like to find a way to maximize my higher brain center and use it most of the time instead of the other. The part of me that exercises seems to be closer to the outer layers of an onion, which doesn't really make sense) but something about being on top? Maybe it's the green part that sticks out of the dirt. Anyway, last night I decided I would walk this morning and got up and it was like it was a done deal. Health and exercise first. I'll continue to explore this to see if I can find what gets in the way sometimes. It certainly isn't hard! The other thing that helped last night was knowing that this morning I could change some appointments, make a list of all the stuff to do that was rolling around in my head and relax a little more.
Making a list has always worked for me - would be nice to just do it sooner rather than later.

Something else was a revelation but can't remember it now...

Here I am

This is a picture of Mrs Havellsham, the Queen herself
I be's tired out now. It's pretty early but I want to be horizontal and do some page skimming with my eyeballs - hopefully the brain will engage as well and all will make sense. I have no netflix to watch or I would do some of that first. Hooked on NCIS currently. I just love mysteries. Saw some really good press-on tattoos today at Michael's for my upcoming Goth look. You know, it doesn't seem as likely now that I have written it down here...who has ever seen a 60 year old Goth that looked good? How to look good - I think they really work at it carefully. I want to be a classy Goth - maybe this is going to be a one time Halloween night thingy. What night is Halloween? I've been sewing and painting and cleaning and sorting...I HAVE A NEW PIANO STUDIO!! (lost the master bedroom in the process, though.) But I love the new studio space. Send all your little piano playing wanna be's to me. Remember September 19th - Talk Like a Pirate Day. You can be sure that this blog will be in piratese. What other time can you do that? I saw a great recipe that used ground meat and you shaped it into a foot and baked it with ketchup at the ankle...gross but terrific! Come over for dinner.

More

This whole Bel Canto reunion concert has really been fun - and a lot of work when it comes to practicing the parts on the piano. I have really enjoyed seeing folks - especially after I recognize them - 43 years is a long time. Who knows how we will sound at the concert - the fun is in the process. Maybe at one of these I will get to sing - or see what comes out. Kinda rusty.

Almost finished with the white stole I have been working on for a couple months - lots of hand quilting on it. It's such a trust piece - to have a vision and then see whether it works. Soon.......... I figure there is always something I can do to it until I like it.

Babysitting Zip for 3 days - my sister's dog. She's old and deaf, drinks a lot of water and so must pee a lot too (the dog, not my sister). She's panting and pacing cuz she can't figure out where they went, why they left her here, and when are they coming back? She's making me nervous.
I'm supposed to be working on THE WORK by Byron Katie but all I seem to do is avoid it. Sometimes I start out but then I just end up making a long list of stuff I need to work on and get all mad and quit. not very productive.
Maybe I'm supposed to do it later? I'm working on waiting? I need my shrink? (I would go but the old $$$) Must pay for my Darth Vader sleeping costume first. In Acuality I am feeling sooooo much better because I sleep at night now and get some oxygen into my blood.

Did I say I wanted to be Goth for awhile? I think that would really shake things up - but I'm waiting for October and Halloween. Then If I don't like it I can just say it was a phase for the holiday. I'm already blue-white in the skin - just need a dog collar and some stylin' black hair and really red lips and black eye makeup and righteous clothes! Maybe I should wait until after the Bel Canto thing...just a thought.

Wednesday the 25th

This picture is of Mt Stewart. This was a 9 mile or more hike (felt like 20) that we did on Sunday. It was gorgeous at the top. Stiff for 2 days after.

I have been doing some major moving around here - out of the master bedroom and into a smaller one upstairs to make way for a piano studio! I cried while moving stuff out. Sometimes change is hard - must be why I left it until right before I start teaching again this fall. The new music space will be really great. Must have music in my life. Hey - I'm studying piano again and improving already. Sam and I go to piano together!

The upstairs bedroom will take some time to get used to. The stairs will keep me in shape and so far the cats have managed to find me at night. The bed is quite a bit smaller though which has been interesting; some times they go flying. They're used to a california king.

I am still catching up on this blog but from today forward I must be current - for some reason. Holly is now at PLU and it is very quiet around here. It won't take long to get really tired of this. Maybe that's why an office job would be good - to get out of the house and be somewhere else with other people. There are always choices.

Bel Canto reunion(see picture above of Deb and I with the Eiffel Tower in 1966) is heating up and since I am the treasurer my work there is piling up as well. It was so fun to see everyone at the last rehearsal and was certainly a challenge to sight read the music too.

This was the most fun project! We made these little purses at the cabin over the 4th of July weekend - Sal, Cindy, Jen, Grandma, Liza, and me. Now we're looking for another artsy thing to do.

I made some great plum/orange/raisin/walnut conserve today. (Not sure what a conserve is...)Tomorrow it's on to this Russian plum/garlic/dill/jalapeno salsa. It is really potent - guaranteed to get rid of vampires.

Source Lake Trail

Shall we hike up there too?

Todays adventure of flies, mosquitos, marmots and some kind of mountain beaver/badger thing. Talk about an uphill hike...my favorite thing to do. Oh well. Great company - Sam and Holly. She leaves for PLU tomorrow which makes me sad. The only good thing is that I will have use of a car again.

Root Woman update

This is me and Jenn and Joanne at Artfest with our cool creations.
ps. I sold Root Woman of the Sea!

Anyone out there?

This is me and my skillet sista, Cindy, hangin' at da canal . We was playin Sagnuts with da fam, drinkin beer and havin a great time. Seriously, I think it was Memorial Day weekend so even if I am trying to catch up I am still behind. I am sure It'll be months before anyone reads this again anyway. That is probably good because I can then write with impunity and just get everything all out. We'll see if I actually do get back here.

I've been reading and doing The Work of Byron Katie. Attempting to find the time to do the work. Also started taking piano lessons again and that is going well and is fun! A good way to spend quality time with my Mom. I have been a canning/pickling fool the last month or so. My pantry looks great. We picked a ton of free plums today so I'll need to do something with them this week. Plum Duff anyone?

Where is Christian Ferney, PhD?

Here is some of the crowd and some of the graduates at the Duke University ceremony last weekend. 16,000 people - they do things in a big way, including having Oprah as the commencement speaker. Not too shabby. My son-in-law got his doctorate in sociology!!!

GREEN

Here is yours truly at her BIG 60 party. What a great time and great friends and family. Thank you to everyone!

Don't you just want to kiss her sweet face? Leaving for 4 day's of art and laughter! Hooray!

Here is "Root Woman from the Sea". Hoping to sell her at the Artfest gallery show this year - this week.

Salad Head

Railroad car

Collage of the tearing down of the sanctuary at St Clare's Episcopal Church in Snoqualmie

Chasuble detail from one I made in 2008.

Octopus Woman in Reverse

These are some of the cute little crab guys I drew for an Artist Trading Card swap at Artfest this year. I am so excited about going and "arting" for 4 straight days.

However, there are some good things showing up before then, too. I have the big 60th in March..Betsy is coming out! A wedding in the family, and I discovered a new singer/songwriter that I love - Larry Murante (google him). I have been getting things sorted and organized here - always makes me feel better. Sam and Aaron moved out last weekend. This is a big change. Ed and I are cleaning up and will be repairing the room to rent as a studio apartment for someone who really needs a place and can't afford to pay a lot.
I am also enjoying working with my former shrink from years ago to sort and organize my brain. I feel much freer inside already. Going to try St John's Wort for awhile in place of Prozac and go a more naturalistic health route. Most prescription drugs and I do not get along well.

ART

Well, this color seems to go well with the inchies on the left. These are from last years ARTFEST. I am making ATC's this year and probably nothing else. I shall be Octopi Woman in Reverse, and I must needs get to that immediately. If you can't tell, I have been watching British Murder Mysteries, Lord Peter Wimsey to be precise, on DVD. I seem to have this accent stuck in my head. Enough I say!

Down the street from our house a couple days ago.


Today is a much better day! We are done with the flood and blizzards and bp meds and I feel better! Been doing some drawing of sea monsters for ATC's and I like it when I can do stuff like that. Going to Artfest in April so it's time to start arting.

I realized the other day that I sometimes (ahem) don't blog when I'm feeling good. And I am feeling good and today I am remembering to blog. Not all of my life is gray and full of dread. In fact....it's probably better than I think since it has to reach a certain low for me to blog about it.

Think I might call a former therapist/friend today and see how much he charges - go in for a tune up. But if he's like $200.00 an hour forget it! No one's time is worth that much. I'll go and talk/feel with my sister-in-law...and pay her in pies or something. Maybe the other guy would take a pie. Wow, a $200.00 pie!

Going outside this morning to rake away some debris from around our yard. Piles of it around all the bushes and trees, large logs too, but I'll save those for Ed. We live surrounded by a giant sandbox now. Trying to decide whether to shower before going out or after - I guess maybe both since we have abundant hot water now and can use it; celebrate all the little things.(You know, like septic systems that work...)

Going to Greece tomorrow at my Mom's house for her 85th birthday. Should be fun and festive. "My Big Fat Greek 85th Birthday Party" More some other time....busy now.

Gray

I think I am having a bad reaction to Atenolol. My side effects include depression, cold extremities, runny nose, difficulty sleeping, fatigue, anger, weakness and lack of energy. There are other side effects too but maybe I am blessed not to have to deal with them. In many ways conventional medicine sucks! Even with Prozac, I feel like I have been hit by a truck on some days - like today. Absolutely no desire to do anything except eat sugar and sleep. Believe me - I am familiar with depression and this is it. So - I'll stop the A. and see how I feel after a couple days....it only stays in the system for @ 20 hours so it shouldn't take too long to know what is what. And my blood pressure is only borderline high anyway!!!!! I still think that if I can lose some more weight and keep it off it will take care of that issue. Anyone remember joy? (Not someone's dog either) I would like some. Some day, some time I might feel it; something besides gray. I feel so sad today when I think of the good feelings I might have had when all that snow was here and my kids were home for 10 days and I was stuck in my gray self and couldn't get out. I love snow! Well, here's to hoping things improve in a couple days.

Oops

By the way - and this was what I was going to write about - I ate SUGAR/FAT during the holidays and stopped exercising when I fell on some ice and broke my butt. New Years Revolutions: I want to be more independent. How to do that? Maybe just be kind, be firm and keep going. I want to eat healthy, exercise moderately and enjoy doing both. Back to the no sugar/fat...I felt good doing that.

Do something with "dread" from my repertoire of feelings. I hate "dread". Creeping dread... I must understand and name this-do some art around this feeling. Get to know it better; a piece of hard work is showing up.

"Just do it" has helped in the past.
There is more to life than correct cholesterol numbers.
When in doubt, look up. Stretch might be a good word for 2009.

Jan you wary

It's the second of 2009 already. I really got scared this holiday because my life seems to be disappearing right before my eyes. I realized that it seemed to be going by faster and faster all the time but some periods seemed to be gone before they arrived!!! Does this happen to everyone? I just can't believe it. I mean I was really scared! My sense of time or whatever the phenomenon is that is reality is slipping by even right now as I write this. Very weird. I have heard that the older you get the faster it goes.... hold on to your hat!

More snow this morning but it has melted and is now ice on the roads. Maybe I will become a nun in a few years but I don't know that God would have me. I am not a Bible fan - not the literal kind anyway...I think there are mistakes in there... after all He didn't write it! I can't even understand it. I don't like trying to read it. I'm tired and these thoughts are getting me into trouble and leading nowhere. More later.